Happiness: Truth or Myth? Part 2
/Last week, I shared with you one of four ways we kid ourselves into thinking we're happy.
Here's a brief recap before we continue exploring two more mindsets that deceive us into thinking we're happy.
Ways We Seek Happiness
It can be said that you seek happiness in one of four ways.
1. Future Oriented – the future is your prime goal without appreciation of the present.
2. Present Oriented – the present is your only goal to avoid pain.
3. Past Oriented – your past failures determine your outlook on happiness
4. Happiness Oriented – the possibility that it might even exist.
This week, we'll explore both Present Oriented and Past Oriented perspectives.
Present Oriented
Are you a pleasure seeker?
I've realised that I am but in the small things.
Like a hot bath after a gruelling day or my favourite biscuits at the weekend.
Apparently, this is a healthy way to seek pleasure.
But what happens when it's not so healthy?
The result is Present Oriented thinking where you seek momentary pleasures to avoid any kind of pain, at any cost!
Tal Ben-Shahar calls this the Hedonist Archetype and unfortunately this momentary pleasure can be interpreted as moments of happiness.
It's the belief that successive momentary pleasures, one after the next will result in a fulfilling life.
Behaviours like indulging in drugs, alcohol and also new friendships/relationships that expire very quickly when the ‘honeymoon’ period wears off.
Being Present Oriented means that only experiences bringing about pleasure are welcomed and those that don't are certainly not.
In a nutshell, momentary pleasure equals happiness and anything outside of this equals pain and must be avoided at all cost!
Is this or has been you?
Have you chosen to indulge in activities that have given you pleasure whilst paying no heed to the future consequences?
Might you have had one experience after the next that offered momentary pleasures however resulted in feelings of emptiness in between?
I know I have and even though it felt like happiness at the time, I realise now that it so wasn't.
Past Oriented
Being Past Oriented is, in fact a belief I've yet to experience.
Tal Ben-Shahar calls this the Nihilist Archetype.
Have you ever believed that life has no meaning or given up on happiness completely?
We've established that The Future Oriented mindset believes that arriving at their destination will result in lasting happiness.
We've also established that the Present Oriented mindset believes that a succession of momentary pleasures, detached from the future will bring about bouts of feeling happy.
Well now, let's explore the Past Oriented mindset.
This is the belief that happiness is completely unattainable and can never be reached because of past failures.
There's actually another way of describing this…
… Learned Helplessness.
Coined by Martin Seligman - Positive Psychologist and Author, it's the belief that an unsuccessful past experience means that you have no control over your present or future life or parts of it.
Over time, it can lead to despair, taint your perspective on what happiness could become and lead you towards thinking that your present unhappiness is your lot.
Research with dogs and people have shown how easy it is for us to learn helplessness and this perspective on life can have you believe that your future will contain much of the same and that there's nothing you can do about it.
So, if you've tried chasing future goals whilst ignoring the present (Future Oriented) and lived completely without future care in the moment (Present Oriented) and all without long term happiness gain, then it's no wonder that over time you might become disillusioned about the very existence of happiness.
Are you therefore living with a Past Oriented mindset, fully negative about life?
In fact, I honestly wouldn't blame you if you started to believe that happiness is a myth designed only for those who spend much of their time in la la land.
If that's you, next month we'll break down the metaphorical prison walls of the previously explained three ways we tend to seek happiness.
In its place, we'll explore the one true positive and simple perspective that can wholly determine your happiness.
Not only that, you'll have access to an easy to implement meditation script that's accessible for all and perfect even for those who believe meditation isn't for them.