The Yin and Yang of Self Compassion

For many of you, your need for survival means that you think negatively as a way to stay alive. The nervous system responds to your lived experience and the brain is designed to be changed by your experiences. 

Unfortunately, this only compounds your lived experience when you’ve been met with negative carer relationships as a child or experienced challenges growing up. For example, if your parents or carers ignored you, belittled you, punished you, dismissed your feelings or if you’ve experienced other kinds of unprocessed emotions resulting in trauma, there's a strong possibility that you’ll treat yourself in the same way. 

Why would be do that? … Because it's behaviour that you recognise, behaviour that you’ve internalised and as a lived experience it’s behaviour that is now integrated into your nervous system. It is every reason why you might find compassion such a challenge to practice.

This is all the more reason why understanding the practice of self compassion can be of service to you as you evolve, build relationships and navigate life.

Experiences of self compassion, which according to Kristen Neff, PhD is simply compassion turned inward can support you in creating lasting changes within the nervous system. Taking time to digest these experiences i.e., either through listening to yourself and your needs or offering to help another by listening to their needs can teach your nervous system a different way of being.

I’d like to offer you a different perspective on compassion introduced by Kristen Neff, PhD.

The Yin and Yang of Self Compassion

When we think of compassion, it can be said that we associate it with a behaviour that shows up as gentle, passive, soft, soothing and comforting. 

However, compassion often has a mixture of both yin (calm) and yang (strong) and is not always just soft. It can also be about being strong and active so that we can respond to life's experiences with flexibility and awareness. So, compassion has two sides. One is soft and the other is strong: Yin and Yang.

This means that we participate in life rather than be a victim to it with one automated response.

What does that look like incorporated into a compassionate response? 

Yin

Yin is calm, soothing, slow, passive, gentle and relaxing. Dark and feminine in energy.

This is where it's about “being with” yourself or someone else in a compassionate way, in a kind way. Like keeping yourself or someone else’s company.

We can do this in three ways,

1. Comfort

When we comfort, it's another way to be with yourself or another compassionately.

Like comforting a dear friend who is struggling, especially by providing support for his/her emotional needs.

2. Soothe

When we soothe, it's like alleviating or pacifying a person to feel better and physically calm.

3. Validate

When we validate, it's like supporting the truth with someone to clearly understand what they're going through and saying it in a kind and tender way.

So, we can be compassionate in a yin way through being comforting, soothing and validating of ourselves or others.

Yang

Yang is active, strong, assertive and obvious. Light and masculine in energy.

It’s all about you taking action in the world.

We can do this in 3 ways: 

1. Self Protection

When you protect, you can do this in several ways but one sure way is by saying no to others who are hurting you plus any harm you might unconsciously inflict on yourself. You can do this by becoming aware of your inner dialogue and shifting from negative to positive talk if the former outweighs the latter. 

2. Self Provision

Another way we can take action is to provide. 

When you provide, it means giving yourself what you really need but first being open to learning what it is. 

You have to believe that you deserve it and make efforts to manifest it. Only you can do this.

3. Self Motivation

When you motivate, you use yang compassion as a powerful motivator for fulfilling life's dreams and visions. 

So by being kind, understanding, non-judgemental, non-critical, supportive - being your own coach about where you presently are and where you’d like to go - you can turn a harsh, critical approach to your life journey into a softer, much kinder one with a twist of yang.

So, you can be compassionate in a yang way through being protective of yourself, providing and sourcing what you need and motivating yourself to take action with kindness in a daily practice.

Now that you have more of an understanding of the power of self compassion, let’s consider ten ways to implement it into your daily life, starting today.

10 Ways To Practice Compassion

1. Offer encouragement and celebrate another person’s successes

2. Listen attentively and without judgement

3. Show patience

4. Apologise when you make an error

5. Show acceptance for differences in others

6. Speak with and show kindness

7. Show respect to others

8. Practice gratitude daily

9. Offer random acts of kindness when you can

10. Offer forgiveness to others

I’d love to know how this blog has impacted you. Please feel free to leave a comment.

Reference:

https://www.google.com/search?q=definition+of+self+compassion&rlz=1C1ONGR_en-GBGB936GB936&oq=definition+of+self+compassion&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i22i30j0i15i22i30j0i22i30l7.4208j1j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Why Bother With Compassion?

Self compassion is talked about a lot these days, especially following the lived experience of covid-19 and during the healing stages of getting ourselves back into everyday society.

Dr Kristen Neff, US psychologist, Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Expert invites us to think broader than the common definition of self compassion which can be seen as the ability to turn compassion inwards. She asks us to consider that it includes the three specific perspectives of self-kindness, common humanity (the recognition that everyone makes mistakes and feels pain) and mindfulness.

But with all of that said and before we can even implement our own self compassion, what does the practice of compassion itself actually look like?

I mean, why even bother with compassion?

What is compassion?

Compassion is seen as the recognition of suffering of others and the desire to find relief for them. The word derives from Latin and literally means, ‘to suffer together.’*

It’s about kindness to others regarding their imperfections without judgement or criticism and allows you to cope with life’s challenges more easily. Compassion is a motivator that propels you towards making changes with others to help relieve their suffering. 

Research now shows that when we feel compassion, there are regions of the brain linked to empathy, caregiving, and feelings of pleasure that become much more active and light up. This proves that compassion is biologically linked to us and is not a touchy feely notion. The bonding hormone of oxytocin which is released when we feel compassion and the slowing down of our heart rate add to this understanding, determining that we are naturally wired to want to approach and care for others.

So, it seems that compassion is within our DNA and something we all want to do. This definitely begs the question of understanding about where compassion sits with those doing harm to one another… but perhaps that’s for another day. My exploration here is about why we even bother with compassion.

Let’s begin with the practice of compassion and some of its benefits.

The Benefits of Compassion

The impacts of compassion can range from feeling good to better relationships. Here are 4 for you to consider.

1. Improves Psychological Well-Being

   Research shows that when you show compassion by giving money to others in need, it feels better than spending it on yourself.**

2. A Longer Life

   By focusing on the needs of others through activities like volunteering or caring for others, you can extend your life years. Research found that those who volunteered out of concern for others lived longer than those who didn’t.***

3. Improved Health

   Eudemonic happiness is the kind of happiness that comes from living a meaningful life that involves helping others. Research has found that a life driven by the purpose of helping others with kindness and compassion can improve your health by lowering levels of inflammation and depression plus building a stronger immunity.****

4. Better Relationships

   Research has shown that compassion is a key predictor of successful relationships and cultivates your ability to reach out for social support. This is great for positive mental health.

   Not only that, the research discovered that benefits were also shown when a partner didn’t even notice an act of kindness but greatest benefits came from partner recognition. This demonstrates that the sole act of compassion is powerful.*****

So we can see why compassion is worthy of our attention, right?

3 Reasons for Self Compassion

But why practice self compassion?

There are many reasons why self compassion can be of service to you and below are three for you to consider.

1. When you offer yourself compassion it is easier to do the same with others, resulting in treating people with decency and full compassion.

2. Duty of care - have you considered that you have a duty of care to yourself? Generally, the more influence you have over someone, the more responsibility you tend to have towards them. It is possible that the person you influence is you. I offer you the consideration that you owe yourself a duty of care, kindness, love and respect. If you’re not presently doing this, what might change as a result if you started? Could your inner dialogue shift? Could you show up differently?

3. Your mental and physical well-being can be developed by showing kindness to yourself. The result is positivity in mood and your relationships with others. You'll tend to be more patient, willing to co-operate and live with conscious caring.

The way you show up to and for others can not only impact yourself but can also greatly impact others. It’s easy to forget that who and how you are can determine how those around you respond to you. When you consistently show up stressed, worried and irritated the experience for others can be very different from being peaceful, contented and loving of both yourself and them.

Take some time to notice how you’re showing up for others and consider how what you discover could incorporate both compassion and self compassion for a more wholesome experience.

I’d love to hear how this blog has impacted you. Feel free to post a comment on this page.

References:

*https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/compassion/definition#:~:text=Compassion%20literally%20means%20%E2%80%9Cto%20suffer,motivated%20to%20relieve%20that%20suffering.

**Dunn EW, Aknin LB, Norton MI. Prosocial spending and happiness: using money to benefit others pays off. Curr Dir Psychol Sci. 2014;23(1):41-47. doi:10.1177/0963721413512503) (1)

***Konrath S, Fuhrel-Forbis A, Lou A, Brown S. Motives for volunteering are associated with mortality risk in older adults. Health Psychology. 2012;31(1):87-96. doi:10.1037/a0025226 (2)

****Fredrickson BL, Grewen KM, Coffey KA, et al. A functional genomic perspective on human well-being. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2013;110(33):13684-13689. doi:10.1073/pnas.1305419110 (3)

*****Reis HT, Maniaci MR, Rogge RD. Compassionate acts and everyday emotional well-being among newlyweds. Emotion. 2017 Jun;17(4):751-763. doi:10.1037/emo00002 (4)

https://self-compassion.org/

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-compassion-5207366

The Difference Between Coaching and Therapy

The Difference Between Coaching and Therapy

You might be wondering about the differences between coaching and therapy. I get asked this question quite a lot and so as a qualified and accredited therapist and coach, I thought it might be useful to write a blog about it and to offer some clarity.

Coaching

Coaching is where we focus on the client’s actions and the outcomes that occur as a result of these actions.

This approach is very much goal-orientated with an emphasis on the ‘how’ of achieving goals. It also identifies and addresses problematic behaviours for modification so that goals can be fulfilled.

Therapy

Therapy is where we help the client explore and understand their subconscious and unconscious mind with a focus on the past as a tool to understanding present behaviours. This can support future actions and is directed towards the ‘why’ of behavioural patterns.

The stigma around both coaching or therapy is that it tends to come from a place of you being wrong or damaged.

What if it could be seen more like self care - self care that comes from a place of self-responsibility, ownership of life and the understanding that all living/moving entities need care and attention - inside and out?

Would that assist you to shift your ability to seek help?

Whichever mode you choose, both services work to support you in creating positive changes within your life, including professional and personal relationships, decision-making and simply taking action/getting things done!

A gentle reminder to ensure that whoever you choose, you check out their credentials to protect both your mental and emotional health.

How To Reflect on Your Everyday Experiences?

December is often a reflective month and I’d like to honour that by offering you a simple tool to assist in making sense of your year so far and the opportunity to consider the future.

A reflective tool devised by Dr Roger Greenaway, an expert on training teachers and facilitators called The Four Fs allows you to review your everyday experiences and plan for the future.

The Four F’s:

1. Facts

2. Feelings

3. Findings

4. Future

Let’s take a look at each in some more detail.

1. Facts 

An objective account of what happened and the effects it’s had either on yourself or others.

Questions to consider:

• Did anything unexpected happen? Any surprises?

• Did anything very predictable happen?

• What was most memorable/different/interesting?

• What were the turning points or critical moments?

• What happened next? What happened just before?

• What most influenced your attitude and behaviour?

• What didn't happen that you thought/hoped would happen?

2. Feelings 

The emotional reactions to the situation. By using feelings as your guide, you can learn to fully understand the situation to make sense of it all.

Questions to consider:

• What are some of the feelings you experienced?

• At what point did you feel most or least involved?

• What other feelings were present in the situation?

• At what points were you most aware of controlling/expressing your feelings?

• What were your personal highs and lows?

3. Findings

The concrete learning that you can take away from the situation. Here you can start investigating and interpreting the situation to find meaning and to make judgements. 

Questions to consider:

• Why … did or didn’t it work? …did you take on that role? …did you do what you did? …did you not do something else? etc.

• How … did your feelings influence what you said and did? …did you get the outcome that happened? etc.

• Were there any missed opportunities or regrets?

• What would you like to have done differently / more of / less of?

• What was most / least valuable?

• Was there any feedback / appraisal?

• What have you found out?

4. Future

Structuring your learning for future use. Take your findings and consider how to implement them.

Questions to consider:

• How do you imagine using what you have learned?

• What has already changed?

• What choices do you have?

• How does it look to use the findings?

• What plan can you make for the future?

As 2023 comes to a close with just one month to go, how can you look back in order to look forwards?

References:

https://www.ed.ac.uk/reflection/reflectors-toolkit/reflecting-on-experience/four-f#:~:text=Overview,have%20learned%20in%20the%20future.

https://scoutship.scout.org/handbook/active-review-cycle/#:~:text=The%20four%20Fs%20of%20reviewing,you%20learn%20in%20the%20future.

Be Kind to Yourself

I have a couple of questions for you.

Can you accept that you can't control others or the world around you; can you accept that you can control yourself?

My learnings as a psychotherapist/coach together with my personal experiences have shown me that there’s one sure trait that can help us make peace with what we can control.

I’m talking about the trait of self acceptance.

Self acceptance is the ability to accept all of your personality traits - warts and all with no exceptions. It’s a reminder that you’re human. When you can accept yourself, you can be more accepting of others and less critical of the world around you.

There’s a an ability to cultivate self compassion with this because as you navigate life, you'll make mistakes and struggle along the way. If you can accept what’s happened then the desire to change it can make space for your heart to soften naturally with compassion.

So how do you start this journey if you haven’t been given the tools? How do you make change to generate a deeper understanding of compassion for future resilience?

Below are some action tools that you can start to implement from today to assist you in practicing self acceptance and ultimately cultivate self compassion and resilience.

3 Ways to Practice Self Acceptance through Compassion and Resilience Building

1. Implement random acts of kindness into your everyday life. For example, helping someone while you're out and about, giving someone a hug or smiling at a stranger.

2. Look for the commonalities that exist between you and those you share space with. This can help you to move further away from any differences.

3. Celebrate your successes both big and small to become more aware of how insignificant quantity can be. Consider the impact of focusing on the qualities of life.

One of your human needs is contribution. Your desire to be of service and support another will show itself at difference stages of your life and how you live your life will be determined by it.

When you give to others, you cultivate the compassion and acceptance of the moment, in the moment. Tony Robbins and his team say,

The secret to living is giving… life supports that which improves the quality of life*

So, if you’d like to strengthen your need for contribution, here are x ways to do so building the trait of self acceptance. When you can see the evidence of how you serve others, it can reinforce your ability to accept even when you feel challenged to do so.

6 Ways to Build Self Acceptance Through Contribution

1. As humans, we experience days when we need or want support. How can you be perceptive to this in another’s time of need and make yourself available?

   If emotional support becomes evident, what opportunities might there be for you to respectfully include and offer light touch? An example of this can be on the shoulder or back. It can really offer feelings of reassurance plus demonstrate that you care.

2. Don’t be afraid to share your own emotional expressions in response to another persons. This can be as simple as sincerely smiling at them which can demonstrate your concern and confirm that you acknowledge their pain. Be sensitive in the moment.

3. Check in with what’s needed and be available for them. Talking might not be how they want you to show up so how can you be sensitive to this? If you observe that a shared emotion feels appropriate then why not laugh or cry with them in the moment?

4. If talking is appropriate then take time to pay attention to what you say. Being compassionate with others is about paying attention to the present moment with an attitude of kindness. You don’t need to wait for a crisis to be compassionate though.

5. This might seem obvious here but don’t forget to turn your phone off or put it away tech that could interfere with the moment when supporting others. 

6. Take some time after the moment to reflect on your contribution. Be kind to yourself as you do this and bring awareness to the fact that you can only offer what you presently know and possess. If you observe limitations, accept this and decide how you’d like to address it.

In order to develop self acceptance and kindness, I believe that you must accept the fact that as a human being, you are susceptible to error. From your childhood years and like an aeroplane that course corrects en route, you are naturally evolving everyday.

Why not give yourself the gift of grace and love in reminding yourself that you are no different. And that is OK.

References:

*https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/do-you-need-to-feel-significant/

*https://www.tonyrobbins.com/leadership-impact/the-secret-to-living-is-giving/

How Can Creatives Cultivate Self-Care In Their World? By Redefining Selfish? Part Two

Cultivating Your Self Care

In the previous blog entitled How Can Creatives Practice Self Care - Part One, I reminded you of the saying,

“Put your gas mask on first before attending to others.” Author Unknown

If this fully resonated with you, then you’ll be pleased to know that below are some thoughts and offerings for how to practically incorporate being selfish as a form of self care. I’d like to redefine the way it is understand and encourage an alternate perspective.

How To Incorporate Self Care Into Your World

• Say “No” to protect your mental health thus supporting peace of mind. 

• The highest form of self-care is living with gratitude. How can you show gratitude and appreciation daily for the small things in your life?

  Also, how can you focus on the learnings from the negative experiences you encounter?

• Take time to be still. You’ll observe what’s on your mind and decide what’s critical to resolve.

• Consume good foods that nourish your mind and body. Choose healthy options, take time to research food choices and balance it out with guilty pleasures without over indulging. Remember that too much of either is not self-care.

• Maintain healthy relationships led by love and kindness. Aristotle once said it succinctly,

  “We should behave to our friends as we would wish our friends to behave to us.”

• Finally, honour yourself with sufficient sleep. Scientists presently recommend 6-8 hours sleep per night/day with naps during the day but remember that we all have unique needs so find what works for you. Sufficient sleep has been proven to both mentally and physically rejuvenate plus it’s great for improving concentration levels.

Throughout this blog, I’ve talked about how being selfish can support taking action with self-care. If I haven’t made it clear already, I’d like to emphasise that in this instance, I’m certainly not referring to the general belief of selfishness as being neglectful or unkind.

Instead, I’m offering you the opportunity to consider whether being selfish can be a tool that gives you time to identify your needs - based purely on who you are in the moment.

Imagine an outcome of creating space to see the truth about you and those around you. You’ll cultivate relationships based on honesty, authenticity and love that will lead you to only wanting the best for yourself and others.

You’ll have wholesome respect and honour for others’ needs and as a result will build grace. Not only that, you’ll build the courage to confidently and unapologetically express when others have dishonoured and disrespected your needs too.

In spite of all our individual differences, there’s a chance that you’ll discover more similarities with others than you think. Whether you live creatively or not - as a human need - we all tend to want the same things: to be seen, loved, acknowledged, heard and to contribute.

If we can do this for ourselves, then how might it impact our ease to do it for others and with others?

I wonder what micro differences we’d see in our daily interactions and the relationships we form.

On a bigger scale, what ripple effects might it have on society as a whole?

Could it create a culture of self-care within communities or will it have little impact on the current belief that selfishness is ‘bad’?

Why not extend your creativity to being curious about this and allow the power of time to tell.

How Can Creatives Practice Self-Care? Part One

Self care is definitely a buzz word these days as we go through burnout plus sometimes unconscious self-neglect and mis-aligned priorities. We are continually being offered ways to honour ourselves.

With the current rise of mental health where 1 in 4 people experience mental health issues each year and 8 in 100 people are diagnosed weekly with common mental health conditions like anxiety and depression in England,* how much attention are you paying to the oil and water needs of your mental and physical engine? Is it time for tune-up?

A 2015 Icelandic study reported that genetic factors said to raise the risk of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia were found more often in people in creative professions e.g. painters, musicians, writers and dancers.**

This was compared to less creative professions like farmers, manual labourers and salespeople. Those in creative professions or through answers in the questionnaire were found, on average, to be nearly 25% more likely to carry the gene variants of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.

It is believed that this points to a common biology for some mental disorders connected with creativity and might explain the historical genius’ of Einstein, Mozart and Van Gogh to name but a few.

In saying this, I’m certainly not suggesting that all of us creative souls are mentally ill. I’m merely highlighting that your ability as a creative to think differently can set you apart and sometimes create psychological challenges.

Whether you end up being the thorn on the rose or the rose itself could be determined by your genetics according to this research… or not.

Is creativity your super power but also your kryptonite?

Maybe this is all the more reason to put yourself first as a safety net for any possible future mental health decline?

If you like the idea of this, then you’re in the right place to explore how.

Let’s begin by understanding exactly what self-care is.

What is self-care?

• Self-care is about the deliberate taking care of not just your present self but also your future self - mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

• Self-care is about witnessing yourself so that you can identify what you need in the moment and take the time to honour it.

• Self-care is about cultivating behaviours that positively serve you.

• Self-care is about moving away from self-harming behaviours and energy depleting people.

What are examples of self-care?

• Healthy eating

• Exercising

• Walking outside

• Drinking water consistently

• Good sleep hygiene

• Making space for quiet time/meditation

• Worry and reflection time

• Incorporating hydrotherapy into your day like a hot shower/bath/sauna/steam/body scrub/swimming if and when accessible to you

• Making time for a massage - by you or someone else

The list is endless really and personal to you. What might you add?

We’ve now established the truth about what self-care is, so let’s consider what elements of both self-care and well-being that creatives can build on.

Earlier, I mentioned the “deliberate taking care of” as a way to describe self-care.

This however, can be quite challenging to incorporate into everyday living when your childhood attachments and additional baggage acquired along the way cause you to unconsciously harm yourself out of habitually learnt behaviour - mostly based on survival and self-preservation.

What if whilst you’re so busy chasing your next hustle, you’re unintentionally putting yourself last instead of first? What if you carry a belief that you don’t deserve to go first?

Does living in a society that is slowly turning into a ‘me’ culture rather than a ‘we’ culture make you think that anything connected to ‘me’ is selfish?

What if, in relation to self-care, being selfish was seen as a strength rather than a hindrance? Would you feel more inclined to develop your self-care practice?

Reframing the notion of being selfish as a strength rather than a ‘bad’ personality trait might sound unusual to you but stay with me at the back whilst I share some reasons why incorporating selfishness into your life could make it your next best ‘misunderstood’ friend.

Why be selfish as a creative?

Below are seven offerings:

1. Self-care is not selfish because when you invest in yourself, you also invest in others. By taking the time to be your best version, it allows you to show up for others too. Remember that it’s not possible to give to others what you don’t have for yourself. Your own gas mask has to go on first!

2. Self-care is far from selfish because part of your role on earth whether you believe it or not, is to contribute. Your natural curiosity as a creative is to figure out how and one way could be through self-investment.

3. Self-care can cultivate time to consider, “What can I be good at or do less of?”

   Perhaps you can increase being self-kind by challenging your inner dialogue. What’s the stuff you say to yourself on a daily basis and throughout every waking moment? If it’s unkind, how might you decrease it?

   Being selfish can give you the space to bring aware to this.

4. Self-care can encourage you to pay further attention to your needs in the moment and care less about what others think. Also, do their thoughts and comments even matter?

   When you start to consider your own needs first, it can often inform how other people impact you.

5. Self-care clears the way for what really matters in your life. Being selfish and paying deliberate attention to what’s important in the moment can give your life purpose, direction and meaning.

   How can you incorporate this as a positive self-care habit?

6. Self-care is about prioritising and only when you put yourself first can you make this possible. When you consciously attend to what needs to happen in the moment, you make trustworthy decisions.

   Trustworthy decisions impact your self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence which are made all the more possible when you put yourself at the front of the queue.

7. One final consideration that underpins much of what I've said is about how you choose to spend your time and who you choose to spend it with.

   None of the above is possible if you are surrounded by toxic energy that depletes rather than augments. Take the time to choose who and what shares your space because self-care includes taking the time to be alone or with others based on your desires or needs in the moment.

In the second of this self care blog, I’ll share with you what you can do to cultivate self care within your world.

References

*https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/statistics-and-facts-about-mental-health/how-common-are-mental-health-problems/

**https://www.theguardian.com/science/2015/jun/08/new-study-claims-to-find-genetic-link-between-creativity-and-mental-illness

Can Mantras Inspire And Nourish You As A Creative?

Mantras are well known for their calming and grounding effects but how useful might they be if you’re a creative looking for some inspiration?

Let’s explore what mantras are and how they can benefit you?

What is a mantra?

Pronounced ‘muhn-tra’, its origins are from Hinduism and Buddhism. 

Originally in Sanskrit (the classical language of India and of Hinduism), the word mantra actually means ‘mind vehicle’ or ‘vehicle of the mind’: man = mind and tra = vehicle and its aim is to transport you from active left brain thinking down to more subtle layers of right brain being.

Back in the day, mantras were given to you by ancient sages who were carefully guided by the universe with crafted sounds of specific energetic properties and elements handed down through generations. Today, you can also use them to inspire how you’d like to show up each day.

By using your mantras, you’re able to slow down your nervous system activity and allow it to transport you from the left active brain to the intrinsic calm right brain. This is where you can access your bliss and here when achieved, the mind cannot conceive of anything greater than this fulfilment.

So it stops jumping, becomes less active, softens and ultimately rests. 

What Are Mantras Supposed To Accomplish Or Achieve?

Mantras are sound vibrations or words repeated to aid focus, concentration, connection and insight usually during meditation. They can be seen as the anchor that grounds and keeps you present and the sounds can actually have no meaning.

They originate from the beginning of time so the value comes from the sound quality as opposed to the meaning of the words themselves. In saying that, it is important to know the translations for optimal use.

Mantras are believed to eliminate negative thoughts or intentions and cultivate positive thoughts and actions. This stills and reinforces your mind assisting you in managing it and become unattached to your thoughts.

These benefits can be extremely useful as a creative who might tap into vulnerable parts - it can really assist you in seeing your creations for what they are without emotional attachment. Repeated chanting of mantras is said to help develop your mental powers and strength, ease stress and take you to a higher level of consciousness therefore improving memory and power of concentration. Perfect if you need to remember things as a creative.

The benefits don’t stop there though. Mantras can also support your daily mental and physical health in an optimal way because they are psychosomatic. Regular chanting of mantras is believed to not only wipe out fear, anger and depression but also relieve disorders of the respiratory, digestive, reproductive, circulatory, speech, intellectual and cognitive systems.

And if speaking mantra words doesn’t appeal to you, why not simply listen to them? Research has found that listening to mantras regulates blood pressure, heart rate, brain waves and adrenalin levels.

An important note here is that sourcing a professional yoga/meditation teacher or looking at verified information online is really important when using mantras because just like medicines, there are specific chants for specific purposes i.e. cultivating peace rather than promoting energy. 

How And Why Might Creatives In Particular Benefit From Mantras?

Creatives in particular can benefit from mantras because of the researched benefits associated with increased confidence, self-esteem, concentration, reduced anxiety and lower incidence of depression that can impact them.

If you’re a dancer, musician, singer, actor, artist, photographer or other kind of creative, mantras can help you bounce back from disappointment like when a rehearsal, job, or audition doesn’t go to plan or when you self-doubt it can lift your self-belief. It’s reassuring to know that there are tools you can lean on to help put things back into perspective and a way to boost your resilience against the down turns of life.

As a creative, you may have the tendency to overthink, dwell on the past, feel depressed with sadness, feel anxious about the future, have self-doubt, people please, worry and self-criticise. Perhaps you lose focus, end up being hard on yourself, lack self-compassion and get stuck in things you can’t control rather than focusing on the things you can.

A regular mantra practice can help you re-balance this by channelling thoughts on the words and sounds of what you’re saying, together with unblocking stuck energy. The repetition can be very soothing and comforting because of its familiarity especially during times of uncertainty. Additionally, it can also bring everything into focus so that you spend more time focusing on what’s really going well rather than giving mental space to the ‘wrong’ of it all.

As a result you’ll find yourself feeling grateful for what might usually be overlooked and therefore be reminded that even though, in your eyes you may have ‘failed’, you haven't really changed as a human being since yesterday or even an hour ago. You are, in fact the same person - just enhanced and full of growth with limitations that contribute to who you are today.

The Use of Mantras

Chanting mantras you know the meaning of can help you apply intention and research has shown that focusing on the pronunciation together with the desired intention is also beneficial.

When you use mantras, suggested methods are as follows:

• To be in a position where you’re comfortable and able to focus on the mantra rather than being distracted by physical sensations. 

• Become aware of your breath. Is it fast, slow, deep, shallow? Breathe into the space you presently have in your lungs to the bottom of them and lengthen each next inhale/exhale breath. Make them deeper and fuller.

• As you settle into your breath, say your mantra and repeat it with intention and purpose. You can say it in your mind or out loud.

• Repeat from 3 minutes to 20 minutes and be kind in this process. If you last a few seconds on the first attempt, that’s ok. Work towards 15 secs.

Mantra Suggestions

Below are some Sanskrit suggestions I’d recommend to get you started together with their meanings. For those of you who would prefer something more practical to your daily needs, there are also mantras that are inspired by a specific theme and focus. These are referred to as Meditation Mantras. If listening to mantras sounds appealing too then you can access many online.

Examples of Sanskrit Mantras

1. Aum/Om - the most basic mantra and the first sound of the universe generated by the cosmic vibration that resulted in all creation. Aum/Om is believed to be the source of all mantras.

2. OM Namah Shivaya - Loosely translated means “I honour the God within”. This mantra not only Invokes positive energy but also helps you get rid of negative energy and can aid focus for your life.

3. Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu -

Translation: “May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all”. 

Benefits: To radiate the feeling of love and happiness to the world.

Meditation Mantras

1. So Hum - I am

2. Aum/Om - The first universal sound

3. Shanti - Peace

4. Breathing in, I send myself love. Breathing out, I send love to someone else who needs it

5. Be a warrior, not a worrier

6. Be somebody who makes everybody feel like somebody

7. Everything I need is within me

You now know that mantras are sound vibrations or words repeated to aid focus, concentration and connection. They ground you, maintain staying in the present moment and offer support for self-improvement, acceptance and goal achievement.

As a creative, they can move you further away from anxiety, depression and fear and closer towards happiness, resilience, inspiration and focus.

These are such empowering and resourceful ways of being and I wonder how might you incorporate them into your daily regime.

5 Top Tips To Unlock Your Creative Genius

Being a creative genius comes with great responsibility and often many challenges as you may have discovered.

Let’s have a look at some of them.

• You turn one-dimensional black and white into two or four dimensional colour.

• You are a risk taker.

• You are able to easily adapt to change because of your desire for versality.

• You see yourself as ‘other’.

• You feel compelled to create.

• You can be prone to mental illness because of your sensitivity yet create outstanding emotional works of art in spite of it.

• You are unafraid of making mistakes but often fear the judgement from others.

• You see chaos yet make creative sense of it.

• You have a vision for the world and this passion means that you don’t care who (dis)agrees.

• You are a night owl that creates your vision.

But what if you’re having a lull right now and it’s not looking quite so bright.

Could you use some inspiration?

Well, fear not because here are my 5 top tips to help you unlock and re-ignite your creative genius.

1. Take a nap and sleep on it

A study published in Nature by Wagner et al (2004), found that people who slept on a creative task were more successful than those who remained awake to solve it. 

When we sleep, our unconscious mind which holds our forgotten experiences, emotions, ideas and memories gets a chance to restructure information without the conscious mind getting in the way. 

This is a great time to discover new and insightful thoughts. Don’t forget to grab a pen and paper before you go down though to capture it all. 

1. Use your down time

In true creative genius style, this is about doing things outside of the box.

If you are usually a morning person, why not consider creating at evening or night time and if night time is your usual creation time, what could happen if you considered creating in the morning or afternoon?

This is beneficial because when you are at your most groggy, your analytical conscious mind is suboptimal and your unconscious mind has more freedom to reign supreme. This is backed up by research from Weith et all (2011).

So as alien and non-conducive as it may seem, utilising your less optimal times might actually produce some great creative results.

You won’t know though until you experiment with it and if you like this idea, why not keep it going until you find a time that works for you.

If it doesn’t quite work out then don’t be afraid to simply let it go.

1. Bathe

Having a shower or taking a bath has been proven to relax the mind and unlock the creative juices. Creativity expert Scott Kaufmann found that 72% of people reported having a breakthrough in the shower.

To ensure that you never miss a thought, why not source some waterproof writing utensils to jot down whatever evolves.

1. Practice doing nothing

Are you constantly on the go, chasing your next task, gig, appointment or goal?

By taking time to pause for an hour, a day or longer where possible, you will help to reset your brain, relax your mind, giving yourself the opportunity to declutter and let your imagination flow.

There’s something very powerful about stillness and what it can reveal.

1. Step out of norm

Is it time to do things differently to your norm?

Do what scares you or something that’s out of character for you.

What might happen if you stepped into a new environment, or said yes to something before you’re quite ready? It can be very scary yes but wow it can also facilitate positive growth and foster self-learning.

Take the time to step out of your comfort zone and feel yourself magically come alive!

thecreativegenius.co.uk

The Difference Between Psychotherapy, Counselling and Coaching - Let’s Talk Coaching

 THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN PSYCHOTHERAPY, COUNSELLING AND COACHING - PART 3

When I finally decided I wanted to work with predominantly creative clients, I soon discovered that they had absolutely no idea how I could help.

In fact, at the time neither did I! 

… Cue embarrassed laughter.

You see, I was a coach at the time with a big vision.

It began with the emotional well-being of dancers, musicians and/or actors who could benefit from mental health support and ended with ‘behind the scenes’ creatives who either held the purse strings or worked in production/direction/script writing.

My previous experience working in production with professional jazz musicians followed by my training as a dancer with some on-stage dance experience had taught me that we were second-rate citizens within the industry. We were used as commodities, very disposable and rarely acknowledged. It was a narrative I chose not to engage in except to challenge it.

This motivated me to make a commitment to positively contribute to the health and well-being of the creative community in the hope of somehow rebalancing the inequality scale of unappreciation and its fallout.

I trained as a coach and soon found out that very few creatives actually knew what a coach was or how I might be able to support them. At the same time, I too was exploring how I could positively impact their world and make integral change.

Almost 8 years later and here I am armed with additional skills like psychotherapy and counselling.

So what is coaching?

Coaching

Over the past 2 blogs, I’ve delved into what both psychotherapy and counselling are to give you an understanding of how they might serve you.

Having been trained in all three, I think it’s important to arm you with the right information to make an informed choice.

So, let’s delve into why might you like to reach out to a coach as a creative.

What Is Coaching?

Simply put, coaching supports you to perform to your maximum and to keep your eye on the metaphorical ball along the way.

It assists you in bridging the gap between where you are now and where you wish to be.

In all honesty, coaching is way more efficient and effective than working alone.

When you work with an experienced coach, they can:

• Help to raise your awareness by asking powerful questions that uncover the core issue at hand

• Assist you in creating road maps for any area of your life  

• Provide you with continued support during changes or obstacles in life

• Provide you with tools, techniques and strategies to create lasting change 

• Support you in optimally learning more about yourself

Learning usually comes from teaching in some capacity however coaches are not teachers per se. Rather than tell you what to do, coaches focus on creating space to learn by supporting you in finding your own answers based on the premise that you’ll always know what’s best as a solution to your own problems. 

Coaching has a strong association with sports and it was actually tennis coach, Timothy Gallwey who brought to light that the obstacles we face are not solely external but predominantly internal. Many of us feel stuck due to repetitious inner dialogues or narratives that are often negative, critical and unforgivingly judgemental.

Timothy diverted his tennis students’ attention to the quality of their strokes to distract the mind from its critical inner talk. As a result, he maximised their technique without their self-criticism debilitating them.

His book, The Inner Game of Tennis revolutionised tennis and Billie Jean King called it her ‘tennis bible’. Timothy had made the connection between thought, behaviour and the fact that the brain can only fully concentrate on one thing at a time.

Today, coaching is no longer just about training in sports. It’s also about training the mind to do whatever you want and everyone who houses a brain can benefit.

As Timothy Gallwey demonstrated, by allowing the body to take charge so that you can feel and intuitively connect, you give yourself the opportunity to solve your own problems, self-correct and wholeheartedly shine. 

So as we conclude this trilogy of blogs about the differences between psychotherapists, counsellors and coaches, it is fair to say that:

• Psychotherapy & Counselling

  • asks the question why

  • sometimes focus on the past to clarify the present

  • aims to overcome psychological barriers

  • intends to build self-understanding

• Coaching

  • asks the question how

  • focuses on the present to clarify the future

  • aims to improve skills

  • intends to raise self-competency

I really do hope this short blog trilogy series has been useful. Please do share it with friends, family and colleagues.

If the Creative Genius can support your mental and emotional well-being as a creative or otherwise, please don’t hesitate to reach out with what’s on your mind.

Remember that connection is one of our human needs, so I look forward to connecting with you very soon.

Contact Nicolette

The Difference Between Psychotherapy, Counselling and Coaching - Let’s Talk Counselling

 THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN PSYCHOTHERAPY, COUNSELLING AND COACHING - PART 2

Unlike animals, our evolved brain has given us the luxury to think and feel emotions rather than rely on instinct alone.

It also means, however, that like our 21st century AI companions ranging from computers to robots, we also need to delete cookies, refresh our browsing history and completely reboot our memory in order to function effectively.

Psychotherapy, counselling and coaching are excellent ways for the human brain to make sense of your world - past experiences, confused emotions and dysfunctional behaviours. 

But how do you choose which one is for you?

In Part 1, I unpicked psychotherapy and why you might consider it over counselling or coaching. 

Over the next two blogs, I’ll be unpicking why you’d choose either counselling or coaching as your therapy of choice.

If you missed Part 1, you can fill in the gaps to bring you up to speed on this three-part blog series.

Let’s take a look at why you might choose counselling to support you.

Counselling

As I mentioned in the psychotherapy blog, counselling is very similar in that it is a talking therapy that assists the person in addressing challenging and problematic issues in a confidential environment.

The difference is that in counselling sessions, many of the issues you may address are usually related to present day concerns ie anger, anxiety, depression, stress without delving into the depths of their origins as thoroughly as in psychotherapy.

Counselling sessions allow you the space and time to talk about what’s  bothering you with the intention of finding present day resolutions and creating positive coping strategies for the next time it happens.

Similar to psychotherapy, there are several ways to receive counselling from one-one, in pairs and groups, over the telephone, via video and online through messaging and email.

Some common topics that a counselling session will be able to assist you with are:

• Addictions

• Bereavement

• Bullying

• Illness

• Mental health

• Relationships

• Trauma

Sessions can range from short to long term however little is accomplished in just one session so most clients choose to work with a counsellor on a regular basis. 

Following are a selection of therapies that a counsellor might incorporate in their sessions with you.

Art Therapy

This is a creative way to express feelings through the medium of art and is considered an alternative approach. By using both words in conversation and art therapy, the client may open opportunities to understand themselves in a new way.

Behavioural Therapy

This is used to shift behaviour patterns like addictions and phobias. It focuses on unlearning behaviours and concentrates on the present rather than reflecting on the past.

Cognitive Therapy

Your thoughts usually determine your behaviours, so this therapy looks at your thinking patterns and where they may not be serving you. It supports you in creating new ways of thinking for more positive thought patterns.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

This is a combination of both cognitive and behaviour therapy supporting you in addressing thought patterns and their resulting behaviours.

With a focus on the present, problems are broken down into smaller, more manageable chunks and emotions are separated to assist with resolving specific issues.

Humanistic Therapies

Also found in psychotherapy, these include:

• Person-centred therapy - aka Rogerian Therapy identifies that each person has the capacity and desire for personal growth and change where the therapist practices empathy and unconditional positive regard 

• Gestalt therapy - regards the individual as a totality of mind, body, emotions and spirit

• Human Givens - a practical, holistic and scientific approach based on fulfilling our human needs and ensuring that our innate resources are adequately met.

So, as you can see there are many crossovers with psychotherapy and counselling. 

Counselling however, is a wonderful opportunity to give yourself the space to source insights and understandings of the issues at hand without delving too much into the past and for focussing on the present and future. 

It is often not as deep as psychotherapy however depending on what you need it can be just as beneficial.

Using counselling sessions to understand your own behaviours and the behaviours of others is certainly an effective way to shed light on how you interpret your world.

Please ensure that you always seek out reputable, professional and qualified therapists by taking the time to research them before reaching out.

You can find my profile and other therapists at welldoing.org.

The Difference Between Psychotherapy, Counselling and Coaching - Let’s Talk Psychotherapy

THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN PSYCHOTHERAPY, COUNSELLING AND COACHING - PART 1

I get asked this question quite a lot and this has motivated me to outline the differences in a three-part blog about psychotherapy, counselling and coaching.

The aim is to provide a quick and reliable resource for you to refer to or to share with another so that you can make an informed choice about what you need in the moment.

I’m trained in all three disciplines and often during client sessions, they can cross over depending on what comes up at the time.

Over the next three blogs, I’ll be unpicking each one.

So, let’s start with psychotherapy.

Psychotherapy

This is also known as talk therapy and is a very thorough treatment to assist someone in understanding their feelings, behaviours and thoughts.

It’s actually very similar to counselling however psychotherapy tends to delve deeper into the underlying causes of a person’s concerns and will also focus on how to solve them.

As with any therapy, it is necessary for the person to be open and willing to change. 

Psychotherapy is often used to support the following: 

• Overwhelming feelings of sadness or helplessness

• Feelings of anxiety most of the time

• Difficulty facing everyday challenges or focusing on work or studies

• Using drugs or alcohol in a way that is not healthful

• Being at risk of self-harming or harming others

• Feeling like your situation will never improve, despite receiving help from friends and family

• Experiencing/experienced an abusive situation

• A mental health condition, such as schizophrenia or bipolar that affects your daily life and has been diagnosed and/or medicated

There are many approaches to psychotherapy from one-one, face-face, in pairs and groups, telephone and video to styles including talking, drama, story-telling and music. Often psychotherapists do not follow one style and tend to blend elements from different approaches.

Sessions can range from 45 - 90 minutes each time and can last from just a few sessions to years of therapy. 

If this resonates with you then here’s a quick outline of a few types of approaches used.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

This assists a person in understanding how their thoughts and behaviours impact both their feelings and the way they act with others and themselves. Solutions are put in place where change is desired.

Interpersonal Therapy

This supports the person in managing their communications with others and understanding their feelings about experiences, for example getting angry when ignored whereby others may not respond well to your anger and in turn you may feel isolated resulting in depression.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

This is a relatively new therapy (developed in 1987) and is mainly used when supporting trauma related issues like PTSD. It is also starting to be used to manage anxiety and depression.

The client is encouraged to recall the traumatic experience and follow the stimulating lateral movement of the therapist’s finger, or listen to audio/use hand tapping.

If we consider that a past traumatic memory becomes distressing when it has not been fully processed in the brain, EMDR appears to be a very effective way of resolving this.

Rather than focusing on the emotions, thoughts and responses following a traumatic experience, EMDR concentrates on the traumatic memory itself - changing the way it is stored in the brain, reducing it, eliminating its responses and allowing the brain to naturally heal.

The aim is to reduce the intensity of the memories over time.

Psychodynamic Therapy

This therapy looks at the way past experiences, usually in childhood have influenced current behaviours and thoughts. 

By understanding the source of why, for example you feel anxious much of the time, you can feel empowered to take control of your life in an informed way.

Humanistic Therapies

These include:

• Person-centred therapy - aka Rogerian Therapy identifies that each person has the capacity and desire for personal growth and change where the therapist practices empathy and unconditional positive regard 

• Gestalt therapy - regards the individual as a totality of mind, body, emotions and spirit

• Human Givens - a practical, holistic and scientific approach based on fulfilling our human needs and ensuring that our innate resources are adequately met.

Group Therapy 

Groups between 5 and 15 people who share a similar concern i.e. depression, anxiety or addiction gather in one place for a maximum of 2 hours. They may also meet individually with the therapist outside of these sessions.

This style can initially feel intimidating however one of the many benefits is that you realise you’re not alone.

Online Therapy

This is becoming very popular especially since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. 

It suits those who cannot access a therapist outside of the home, have mobility challenges, a hectic schedule or feel uncomfortable meeting another in person.

It can be conducted via video, messaging or phone.

A Few Things To Consider

Psychotherapy can help by giving you someone to explore your problems with confidentially, find new perspectives and assist you in moving forwards with solutions. 

As I mentioned you must have a desire to take part, want to actively engage in treatment and be willing to participate inside and outside of the set sessions. Regular session attendance coupled with punctuality and openness to explore what arises are both necessary components.

Your experience and response to psychotherapy will be individual to you, so take into account your reasons for seeking therapy, the skill of the practitioner, the relationship between you and the therapist and your support network outside of the sessions.

Please ensure that you always seek out reputable, professional and qualified therapists by taking the time to research them before reaching out.

You can find my profile and other therapists at welldoing.org.

Do You Value Your Core Values?

DO YOU VALUE YOUR CORE VALUES?

If the last year has revealed anything, it has highlighted what really matters to us all and what we truly value most in life.

From home becoming our place of work, to work needing to happen at home our ordinary world has been transformed into an extraordinary place of uncertainty without clear boundaries. 

Health, connection, accessibility and resilience have all been replaced by episodes of illness, disconnection, inaccessibility and fragility.

As a creative navigating an ordinary day and procuring your own clients/gigs/projects can often feel like living on the precipice of life. Throw in a pandemic and you have a sure-fire recipe for real-life cliff hangers!

Research conducted by the NHS in October 2020*, found that almost 20% of the UK population are going to need additional or new mental health support following the pandemic.

However, research by Vitality discovered that over half of those surveyed now have a better perspective on life because of what the pandemic has taught them**.

To support this, a survey conducted by Theta Global Advisors last year*** found that 40% of Brits now realise how poor their work-life balance was pre-lockdown. They expressed the significance of prioritising the important stuff.

How wonderful that the teachings of the last year are being acknowledged however it's all quite futile if nothing is being put in place by you to reinforce the shifts.

This is why I want to talk about the relevance and magnitude of values because as you grow due to challenges and life experience, so too can your values change.

What Are Values?

Values are basic and fundamental beliefs that guide and motivate your actions and attitudes towards life experiences. When determined, they inform your identity, choices, confidence and the dynamics within your relationships.

Values start in childhood. They can change, remain the same throughout your life or sometimes be in conflict with your actions i.e. working in an environment that tolerates bullying when one of your values is kindness or staying in a dysfunctional, abusive relationship when you believe in dignity, inner power and self-respect. 

When there’s incongruency around your values, you’ll notice an internal unrest together with feelings of disharmony and unless you’ve explored what you stand for, you may be ignorant to why.

Due to life’s disruptions, traumas and even peer pressures your values can be completely lost, abandoned or ignored. You may also find that your everyday actions are underpinned by outdated values that no longer serve how you’re living today.

This is exactly why it is really useful to visit/revisit your values - to rebalance the scales of what truly matters to you and to reflect on how you’re presently showing up for yourself and others everyday.

As the UK prepares for its exit from the pandemic, perhaps it’s time for you to prepare yours.

Here’s how.

CORE VALUES EXPLORATION

This is your opportunity to delve into what’s important to you.

If you’ve never done it before, take some quality time whilst in it to sit with this exercise and connect with the feelings that arise.

Exercise

1. Below is a long list of words that represent core values. If you wish to add to it, please do.

• Family

• Freedom

• Security

• Loyalty

• Intelligence

• Connection

• Creativity

• Humanity

• Success

• Respect

• Invention

• Diversity

• Generosity

• Integrity

• Finesse

• Love

• Openness

• Religion

• Order

• Advancement

• Respect

• Joy/Play

• Forgiveness

• Work Smarter and Harder

• Excitement

• Change

• Goodness

• Involvement

• Faith

• Wisdom

• Beauty

• Caring

• Personal Development

• This Too Shall Pass Attitude

• Honesty

• Adventure

• Kindness

• Teamwork

• Career

• Communication

• Learning

• Excellence

• Innovation

• Quality

• Commonality

• Contributing

• Spiritualism

• Strength

• Entertain

• Wealth

• Speed

• Power

• Affection

• Cooperation

• Love of Career

• Friendship/Relationship

• Encouragement

• Pride in Your Work

• Clarity

• Fun-Loving

• Charisma

• Humour

• Leadership

• Renewal

• Home

• Be True

• Contentment

• Friendship

• Courage

• Balance

• Compassion

• Fitness

• Professionalism

• Relationship

• Knowledge

• Patience

• Change

• Prosperity

• Wellness

• Finances

• Gratitude

• Grace

• Endurance

• Facilitation

• Effectiveness

• Fun

• Fame

• Justice

• Appreciation

• Willingness

• Trusting Your Gut

• Giving People a Chance

• Patience

• Forgiveness

• Self-Respect

• Abundance

• Reciprocity

• Enjoyment

• Entrepreneurial

• Happiness

• Harmony

• Peace

1. Now pick 10 values that fully resonate with you

2. Consider these and then choose 5 that meaningfully describe you

3. Whittle this down to 3 values

4. Now reduce this to the number one value that wholly represents who you are today

As you digest your findings, contemplate the following questions.

1. What part do these values presently play in your everyday encounters? 

2. Are they aligned with how you’re currently living or is there some conflict?

3. What values are non-negotiable? 

4. What values have expired and need replacing? 

5. How could exploring your values now positively impact all of your present and future relationships?

6. What actions might you take to further align with your unearthed values?

If you feel somewhat uneasy about any of the results, why not try again in a couple of days. The space and time might offer you additional clarity.

Practicing this exercise at least once a year can be like giving yourself a values MOT. It will highlight what’s no longer serving you and replace it with sparkling new visions, aspirations and beliefs to underpin your everyday actions.

By uncovering your core values, you can reveal a way of seeing the world that’s extremely liberating and empowering. 

It can assist you with:

• difficult decision-making

• underpin conflict resolution

• inform your present/new relationships

• result in bags of joy and fulfilment

As we draw closer towards reinstating connection and touch this will be a very much appreciated emotion for us to enjoy.

If you’d like to explore your values or perhaps you have something on your mind, why not reach out to Nicolette to see how she can support you.


References:

*https://www.vitality.co.uk/ - Covid-19 and the Nation’s Mental Health, Centre for Mental Health/NHS, October 2020 -

**https://www.vitality.co.uk/ - Vitality Survey, September 2020

***https://www.vitality.co.uk/ - Returning to Work Post-Covid, Theta Global Advisors, July 2020

Passion or Profession?

From a very early age, many of you are bombarded from elders with the necessity of having a well thought out plan for the future.

It often includes a job you call your profession, a steady salary, paid holidays and a pension scheme.

Sound familiar?

But what happens if you dare to think at a tangent rather than this horizontal line?

What if the profession you desire doesn’t conform with the encouraged template and comes from a place of passion rather than from the recommended security?

These are questions that many of my clients are challenged with.

They’ve been paying the bills for years without fully honouring their heart and they come to me when a life-experience or comment from another nudges them awake.

Only yesterday, a client of mine was questioning whether to follow her heart and consider a career change into creativity or listen to her family and stay safe.

Is it ok to settle for something just because it pays the bills?

Or is there added pressure to follow your passion AND work out how to pay the bills as well?

How emotionally and physically draining can this perspective be?

Can it lead to burnout?

For those of you who define success financially, these questions may never arise because you’ll do whatever it takes to grow your wealth - often without a care of whether you actually enjoy it.

However, for those of you who are driven by an intrinsic fulfilment that nurtures and nourishes within this is probably a daily conflict.

A global Gallup poll revealed that out of the world’s one billion full-time workers, only 15% were actually engaged at work.

If we flip this, it means that a whopping 85% of people are more than likely not even interested in what they do in a working week.

Perhaps you’re one of them?

If so, as a creative do you feel external pressure to continue with your profession or internal pressure to leave and follow your passion?

There are so many reasons to follow your heart and source a job that will soothe you daily.

Golden nuggets like developing your courage in the process, remaining hopeful and young because you dared to dream, appreciating the experience that failure is a part of your success, limiting feelings of regret plus learning to love yourself along the way are all benefits.

There are also an abundance of reasons why you might stay exactly where you are simply following the money.

Concerns like making the wrong decision, personal responsibilities, fear of being unemployed, anxiety of the unknown and future salary worries. These are all anxious thoughts that allow you to remain small and live unfulfilled dreams.

They divert you away from challenging your negative narrative like Erin Hanson’s enquires,

“What if I fall?

O darling, but what if you fly?”

Let’s not confuse though following your passion with irrational, impulsive decision-making. To follow your passion and survive financially you must have a strategic plan and a clear road map to follow.

It’s then that considerations for change can occur but not without fear and apprehension.

If you’re someone who works to live rather than lives to work, there’s a chance that you’ve discovered a work/life balance that works for you.

Ideally, your work does not stress you out each day, reduce feelings of self-worth nor elicit emotions like resentment or anger.

By working to live, you’ve found ways to enjoy life outside of work and can contribute to society as a functioning member. You’ve created boundaries between your professional and personal life and built in time for others.

If I’m honest, I’m challenged to think of negative impacts with this mindset.

On the other hand, when you live to work, your work is your life with no space for anything or anyone else. It’s very linear with limited room for growth and development.

It is however said that when you love what you do, you never work a day in your life.

So where do you draw the line?

Is living to work without boundaries and time for difference a healthy perspective? Or can we make space within it to do what we love and maintain balance?

Steve Jobs once said,

“The only way to do great works is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.”

These are definitely wise words however if you’re still wondering whether to explore the leap, what will it take for your intrinsic thirst for passion to outweigh your extrinsic desire for safety and settling?

Could you create both and at what cost?

If you’re curious to explore, click Work With Nicolette and let’s have a relaxed chat about it.

The Overthinking Creative's Simple 3-Step Guide To Getting Through Lockdown lll

Easy Tools for Getting Through Lockdown lll As An Overthinking Creative

I’ve recently observed that human responses to Lockdown lll are three-fold.

1.   You’re excited for the downtime

2.   You’re anxious and fearful due to feelings of isolation and/or lacking purpose

3.   You resolve to simple “get through it.”

Whichever one applies to you right now, here are my three quick strategies for gracefully getting through Lockdown lll in 2021.

1.   Remember How You Coped Last Time

Take some quiet time to sit and consider:

a)  What worked?

b)  What didn't work?

c)   What could be different this time?

Don’t forget to be self-kind because unfortunately we knew less last time but fortunately we have the power of hindsight right now.

2.   Think Coping Thoughts

Take time to consider what you mostly think about during this lockdown?

As humans, we experience what’s called negative bias which means we focus mostly on the bad as our brain scans for imminent threats and looks for ways to protect us.

It’s important to remember that this is neither good nor bad. It just is and we can’t help it!

So to override this inherent protective mechanism, can you assess those thoughts that make you feel unhappy as well as negative in your approach to life right now?

If so, challenge yourself about whether you actually want to feel like this.

If you don’t, make every effort to shift it by creating a coping thought like “I will get through this" or “I trust what I know". You could also make up your own phrase that rings true to how you wish to feel in the moment.

Observe the different thoughts you feel afterwards and repeat this exercise as often as need when you encounter negative thoughts.

By writing down your coping thoughts and consistently repeating them, you’ll replace habitual negative thinking patterns over time with positive new ones.

3.   Do Something You Love

There'll be something you loved doing pre-lockdown that can also be done throughout lockdown with ease.

For me, it's definitely cooking or baking.

What might it be for you?

You'll feel and know what it is because you'll feel alive doing it and for some time after.

Is it something that could be turned into an experience too rather than just an activity? For example, adding music, audio or TV, candles, lights or incense.

Observe each moment by being mindful so that you become aware of how your body responds to every movement you make - in the moment.

By implementing these three quick and accessible tools, you’ll build mental resilience for cultivating inner power and confidence.

As a creative, these inner resources will gracefully support your natural tendency to over-analyse the many different angles within everyday situations. So you’ll move further away from overthinking and glide closer towards sourcing solutions.

This is the perfect antidote and positive outlook needed right now to support you whilst navigating through Lockdown lll.

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Why Overthinking Can Boost Your Creativity

Have you ever wondered what it takes to be a creative genius?

Perhaps you often question whether you’re a creative, never mind a genius!

Well, firstly what’s being a creative supposed to look like anyway?

Arty? Based on the job? Something you’re born with? Only for those at the top?

These are all popular myths about creativity that are completely untrue because creativity actually belongs to everyone and can be developed at any age.

So, being a creative genius simply means to think outside the box and have a vibrant connection to your imagination.

It could be said that the downfall of this is that many creative people develop a tendency to overthink.

If this sounds like you, you’ll be pleased to know that there’s a very logical reason for this.

Much research has confirmed the connection between creativity and overthinking.

The first research to connect these dots was conducted at Kings College London by neurobiologist Dr Adam Perkins.

He discovered that those people with an active, powerful imagination also exhibited extra activity in certain parts of the brain namely the medial prefrontal cortex. This was because they were highly attuned to what they considered to be potential threats.

Their amygdala, the part of the brain that processes emotions was also highly reactive resulting in positive and negative outcomes namely a tendency to not only experience very strong positive emotions but also strong negative ones too.

Simply put, overthinking leads to a heightened imagination that is limitless because you look for as many solutions as possible to reduce the perceived challenges ahead and this can be fuelled by a positive emotional response when effectively managed i.e. confidence and self belief.

So, the more aware you are of potential threats around you, the more imagination you’re likely to have.

This, of course takes some emotional management because not all potential threats are actually real and without understanding and identifying the difference between them, you could spend much of your life living in fight or flight mode.

Many of my creative clients initially regard their overthinking trait as a negative flaw on their character.

If this is you, I would like to challenge this perspective just as I have with them and ask whether you have ever considered overthinking as a characteristic that could possibly work for you.

Overthinking can lead to worry and if you’re a worrier, fear not because it’s not all bad news!

Yes, worry can cause stress, tension, anxiety plus negative thoughts but overthinking can also mean you see clearly what you don’t enjoy about life and the e-motion (energy in motion) drives you to create positive change.

If you tend to catastrophise, you’ll find yourself thinking that the worst is going to happen.

This however is your heightened imagination on speed and doesn’t have to be viewed as negative for several reasons.

What if it also allows you to create vivid day dreams, construct colourful characters, discover new imaginary worlds and think in a non-linear way?

How could you use this to create and constructively direct your focus?

Did you know that your ability to tap so positively into your imagination connects you deeper to your spirituality? This therefore means that your capacity for overthinking can also be an excellent resource to holistically fuel your creativity.

Not only that, it gives you the ability to empathise with others on a large scale because overthinking means you can see different perspectives and put yourself in other people’s shoes.

This is an integral quality to human connection because it allows you to understand someone else’s emotions and in return give them the opportunity to feel understood.

One of our human needs is to be acknowledged and seen so overthinking can be viewed as the conduit that elegantly offers empathy to another.

This is brilliant for writers of film, books, music or stage because you can fully tap into your imaginary characters and bring them to life for the reader or viewer to enjoy and connect with.

As I mentioned earlier, overthinking definitely generates worrying however this is can be a very powerful motivator.

Many of the inventions you take for granted today evolved out of worry, for example protective technology i.e. burglar alarms, industrial food processes to reduce starvation and of course vaccinations which is extremely relevant right now.

Not only does this worry emotion drive your creativity but it can also be an avid motivator for taking action. As a creative, a concern to someone else that becomes forgotten can turn into a project of adaptation for you.

Your ability to overthink means that you can see so many different possible options that the average person might miss and this makes you an excellent leader!

Leaders need to able to problem solve and this is something you’re extremely comfortable with because of your natural ability to think of non-existing problems and your amazing attention to detail.

The increased activity in your medial prefrontal cortex means that you can consider so many more ways to reach your goals.

Unlike those who think linear resulting in only one or two possible outcomes, your overthinking makes it brilliant for all your creative endeavours.

It will ensure you consider all options to determine only the very best outcome for you and those around you.

But perhaps you haven’t framed yourself like this yet especially if your usual habitat is working alone managing your own time, projects and getting wrapped up in instinctive overthinking.

Maybe you’d consider that overthinking is actually the magic elixir that sparks your creativity rather than the vigorous weed that chokes it.

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Why Self Care Could Be Your Ultimate Antidote To Lockdown lll

Lockdown, winter weather and avoidance.

That's what's certain right now.

The avoidance could be said to be the desire to block out the reality of lockdown, dark mornings/afternoons and the fact that life is no longer as we know it.

You might find yourself eating more, over-exercising, binge watching TV, online gaming more, drinking more, drugging more, sexing more, online shopping more, online connecting more or even sleeping more.

You could also be doing any of these less to forget about reality and create an alternative momentary buzz that distances you from your emotions and what you feel each day.

These escapism habits remove the present moment from your sights and encourage a numbness that can ultimately lead to depression, weight gain, anxiety and low self esteem.

For many of you, you've got more time on your hands than ever before.

So, does that mean it’s more about how you spend the time than the time itself?

Perhaps you could take a moment to spare a thought for the key workers who are not so gifted with time in this present moment. Unlike you, they don’t have the luxury of slowing down as they follow their calling to serve in this way.

As you bring yourself back to your own lockdown experience, you might find yourself feeling numb to your present circumstances or you might be completely enjoying this opportunity to tick off the once never ending dregs of your task list.

Either way, self care could be your ultimate antidote to compassionately making it through lockdown lll.

Six Self Care Tips to Support You During Lockdown lll

1.   Get Rooted

Getting out during the winter months is less inviting than at other times of the year but very possible.

When you can venture out and about in nature, take a minute to ground yourself with every step you take.

Imagine the earth reaching up to you whilst you press down into it.

This is such a beautiful way to build a relationship between you and the surface you’re walking on. Rather than just taking from it - you can choose to give as well.

Another way to ground yourself is by having a tool that brings you back to the present moment.

Tools like elastic bands on your wrists, stroking rough/smooth stones, holding textured or smooth pieces of material can all support you returning to the here and now.

You can also use these tools when feeling anxious or panicky. Simply ground yourself and observe your surroundings to return you to your body.

2.   Sense Awareness

Bringing awareness to your senses is a very powerful way to distance from spaced-out moments.

Smell, touch, sight, hearing and taste are your intrinsic resources that remind you you’re alive.

Why not savour some dark chocolate, rich in antioxidants and minerals. It's comforting whilst raising your mood.

Consider your favourite hot drink whether it's soup, hot chocolate, mint tea or another and allow them to provide you with feelings of self-soothing during anxious and uncertain times.

3.   Healthy Foods First

In those moments where you feel like pigging out on what I call ‘naughty foods', pause and take a minute to consider eating something healthy first.

It might sound weird but after having a healthy food option like roasted vegetables or grapes, you might not still feel like the pizza or sweets.

A word of caution here.

Be kind to yourself in the process. You might not always choose the healthy option but that’s ok because you’ll have another opportunity to do so next time.

Identify what the desired food is actually substituting emotionally.

Perhaps you miss a familiar hug and something stodgy soothes that or maybe you miss the healing of simply sitting with someone so a bag of your favourite crisps fill that gap.

It might also be that you can't quite put your finger on it.

And that’s ok too. You don’t always have to know. Just be aware without self-judgement and this alone can bring about a shift.

4.   Be Still

There's something very magical about finding stillness. Especially amongst chaos!

As a human condition, you’re constantly processing thoughts, emotions, people, experiences, your surroundings etc and sometimes you just can’t quite grasp for a moment to reflect, assimilate and digest.

Being still allows you this gift, however it can be very scary especially if you’ve habitually found ways to escape your mind on a daily basis.

If this is you, why not start really small and grow into your silences. Just 15 secs, 30 secs, 45 secs until you can manage 1 minute. allow this to grow organically and without force.

Quiet time can assist you in resolving challenges, reconnect with yourself, listen intrinsically and respond/ honour the ability to build resilience for stressful moments whilst learning to self-soothe and create internal feelings of calm.

5.   Deliberate Reflection Time

Giving yourself permission to deliberately review what's been going on in your life allows you to see the truth about what's right in front of you rather than the stories you might be telling yourself.

It also gives you some time to feel your emotions and decide what you'd like to do with what shows up.

Why not use this time to determine what things to change, how to understand your successes and the key to figuring out conundrums and future next steps.

If you like the idea of making quiet time for yourself, why not incorporate some deliberate reflection time within it.

It's a wonderful way to self express, release emotions and empty your mind.

Here are some ideas to support this:

·      Create a reflection jar to write down your achievements that week or month

·      Source a note book where you can journal and write down your thoughts

·      Tap into your creative side with poetry reading or writing, free flow drawing where you allow your hand to go wherever it wants to on the page without leaving whilst reflecting on something ie an emotion, a concern, a challenge. Or move how you feel/play an instrument/make something all whilst considering the contents/experiences of your day/week

6.   Connect with your Chakras

This is not for everyone and can come across as airy-fairy.

It is however very nourishing and self-serving when implemented.

Chakras are wheels of energy within the body that sit along the spine.

They represent the many areas of your life like experiencing love, vocal expression or as mentioned earlier feeling grounded.

Each chakra is distinguished by a colour, for example the base chakra is red, the throat chakra is blue and the heart chakra is green.

Lockdown can bring up many emotions like fear, anger and shame or guilt.

As an example, the third chakra (Solar Plexus/Manipura) which is located in the diaphragm is yellow and regulates fear because of its connection to digestion and the adrenal glands.

You could support this chakra by eating yellow foods, foods that assist digestion like yogurt or apples, wear more yellow or have yellow plants at home like flowers.

You could also take some time to declutter your mind, body, home or office.

How is this useful?

Well, our chakras are most balanced when they're not blocked so creating spaces around you for free flow can support the smooth flow of energy around and within you

Let’s not forget that this also includes being willing to release that which no longer serves you.

Closing

We are all so different and lockdown will impact you in different ways to someone else.

My wish for you is that this writing serves you however you need it most.

Please take that which resonates with you and discard the rest to reduce internal clutter.

Can you resist holding onto information, thoughts and feelings that only negatively impacts you?

A challenge and a curiosity that many of us could truly benefit from, I think.

So, right now in your life as you navigate through lockdown lll, where can you see the beauty in this unusual opportunity to create space, honour your needs and listen to your calling.

Sharing the Mic - Lydia Flock of FLOCKSTARS Coaching is Redefining How To Train The Voice

I had the pleasure of doing a Q&A with Lydia Flock, the talented and innovative founder of the holistic voice and singing coaching company, FLOCKSTARS.

This dynamic soul is really redefining how the human voice can be trained.

Lydia is a graduate of the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama’s MA in Music Theatre programme where she conducted research on the interactions between voicework and well-being.

Based on her research is her unique method to training the voice - The FLOCK Flow.

Lydia’s method struck me because she addresses the mind-body-voice connection.

She addresses the whole artist.

Her holistic approach is essential for the arts community in the UK, particularly when we consider the additional stress that COVID-19 has placed on artists.

Artists need an empathetic approach.

Lydia’s method, The Flock Flow, is exactly that.

In combining somatic resilience training methods like Organic Intelligence® and cognitive healing methods like mindfulness and meditation with the most current speaking and singing voice pedagogy, Lydia Flock is redefining how to train the voice.

Now to Share the Mic, please enjoy my Q&A with Lydia below.

Transcriptions included after each question.

Q: Tell me about Flockstars Coaching in 60s or less.

A: My mission at Flockstars is to, “use the speaking and singing voice as a vehicle for healing, confidence building, and personal growth”.

Based on my research I conducted on the interactions between voicework and well-being at the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama, I have created my unique approach to training the voice called “The Flock Flow”.

Yes, Flock is my surname, but in the land of the Flock Flow, it stands for Formatting a life you’ll love, Loving thoughts, Open heart, Confident action, Killer results.

The Flock Flow combines voice science with somatic and cognitive healing methods such as mindfulness, meditation, and other speaking voice techniques.

Flockstars offers coaching of singing and voice technique, speech and accents, public speaking, audition prep, and exam prep (UK only).

Everything is currently online due to COVID-19 but usually I offer online lessons in person in London or online via Skype. Either way, we have a lot of fun.

Q: What are 3 things that motivated you to create Flockstars?

A: Failure, curiosity, and dedication.

My feelings of failure began when I was about 17 and I suffered from a vocal injury at a time when I really needed my voice most.

My voice injury created feelings of shame and anxiety around my voice.

Even after I healed from my vocal injury, I took a lot of those feelings of shame and anxiety to my studies and performances.

Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and my feelings of failure turned into curiosity.

I was at one of the top musical theatre programs in America but I wasn’t enjoying myself anymore. I needed to figure out why, how did I lose my joy and how can I get it back.

Why wasn’t my voice doing the things I needed it to do?

This is where dedication comes in.

After switching schools and taking the pressure off myself, I realised I could have way more fun and my vocal health could be more consistent.

I decided to go back into training, got my masters and conducted research that became the foundation of The Flock Flow and thus Flockstars was born.

Q: Why do clients come to you?

A: Clients come to me because they want to feel good.

Whether that be in learning how to sing for the first time ever, learning more advanced technique, accents, or preparing for an audition or presentation, my clients want to be confident.

They want to actually enjoy themselves when they present or perform. I know what it is like to not feel confident, to be anxious even. Because of this, I am able to empathise with my clients and create a space where we can leave fight or flight at the door and relish in the “stay and play”.

Q: What are 3 key things you’d like people to know about Flockstars?

A: If you are a “Flockstar” or thinking about working with me and becoming one, know that all my lessons are bespoke.

The Flock Flow is malleable and is applied at a pace that works best for you and in a format that works best for you.

The Flock Flow is great for all ages and any level of experience.

It is particularly great for anxious performers but it is also great for beginners and children who are working to build confidence.

I really straddle the balance between being scientific and unscientific.

Although I am all about the kumbaya, essential oils, yoga mats galore, I am also a huge voice science nerd.

Being paradoxically scientific and unscientific is important for a balanced voice practice, and also really important for achieving a flow state in practice or performance.

I am not about the “master and apprentice” model. I encourage my clients to be curious about their voices. We discover things together.

Q: What are 3 experiences your clients say they’ve had with you that have impacted them immensely?

A: One client said,

Working with someone who directly understands and relates to my insecurities was so helpful…the specific exercises opened up a whole new world of vocal thought for me, showing me that I can have control over what my voice becomes.

Another client came to me thinking they might be tone deaf but they really wanted to sing soprano repertoire.

After working with me, I was able to help them have much greater pitch accuracy and they are actually able to sing those soprano songs that they never thought they could sing before!

Lastly, a client came to me because they had no vocal experience at all but needed to sing something for a big event coming up.

This client came to me hoping to learn how to sing as quickly as possible (and they did) but they also ended up experiencing a big increase in feelings of confidence around singing, themselves and their voice.

Q: Where would you like to take Flockstars in the future?

A: I would love Flockstars to become one of the top holistic vocal coaching studios in London and internationally online.

I am planning to conduct qualitative and quantitative research on my method, The Flock Flow.

A big goal of mine is to present my work at various voice conferences around the world and eventually patent and/or trademark my method.

With all these things considered, I would love Flockstars to reach a wider audience and inspire people to enjoy their voices and feel safe and informed when using them.

Q: How can viewers explore further with you?

A: If you are interested in getting in touch or booking a lesson, please email me at lydia@flockstars.com or visit the website www.flockstars.com.

I would also really welcome any Instagram DMs @flockstarscoaching.

I have a lot of free resources on my website and Instagram, so please do follow along. I would love to hear about your voice journey and voice goals.

__________

I hope you enjoyed this quick Q&A with the budding leader that is Lydia Flock. I really do believe that she is someone with extraordinary promise.

She is a pioneer in her field, redesigning the landscape that is voice work and voice training.

Be sure to follow Flockstars and check out my very own “Sharing the Mic” blog piece about The Creative Genius with Lydia on the Flockstars blog page.

Resilience Training For The Creative - An Approach That Could Change Everything

What is resilience and why is it so important for creatives?

These are questions I have been exploring in recent Creative Genius webinars and online group coaching sessions.

Resilience is the ability to recover quickly from difficulties.

In the land of psychology, resilience is defined as the process of adapting well in the face of trauma, tragedy, threats, or other significant sources of stress.

By that definition, resilience is not the absence of stresses and difficulties but how quickly we are able to metabolise those stresses & difficulties and move on from them.

The great news for us creatives is that resilience and creativity go hand in hand.

Creativity is flexible thinking, originality, perceptiveness and being able to come up with something new.

Are you starting to catch on to why creativity might be a tool to unlock greater resilience?

I invite you to think about it like this:

Say you are experiencing an obstacle or block to your creative endeavours, for example writing, auditions, or business strategies,

The more creatively you approach your obstacles and blocks, the easier it is to overcome those obstacles and blocks - plus the more enjoyable!

If we allow ourselves to get curious and creative, those obstacles and blocks are the way forward.

Although no one is completely immune to stress, we can take time to go to the “resilience gym” and build our ability to bounce back. When we do this, we learn skills to embrace challenges that actually fuel our creativity.

One approach to building resilience is a holistic healing method called Organic Intelligence® (OI).

This is an approach that was first used to support people in managing and dissolving past and current stressors.

Organic Intelligence® promotes healing from a somatic or physiological perspective in order to reorganise and stabilise the nervous system, thereby increasing the nervous system’s ability to quickly adapt to stress AKA building the body’s resilience.

OI gives less focus to what might be causing pain or distress and instead encourages healing by asking the individual to focus on what feels good in the right now.

By reallocating attention to what feels good, OI enables people to move beyond their stresses and maximise the sources of pleasure and joy in their lives.

OI has started to infiltrate the world of creatives, too.

Lydia Flock is the founder of the holistic voice coaching company, Flockstars and is redefining the training of the singing and speaking voice with her unique method The Flock Flow.

The Flock Flow combines Organic Intelligence® and other holistic stress healing techniques with voice science and vocal pedagogy (the act of teaching).

This kind of approach uses the combined forces of resilience training and creativity.

As the first to apply Organic Intelligence® to singing training, Lydia is reimagining and reinventing her field. Lydia’s method has produced powerful results.

One past student reported,

Lydia’s easily accessible techniques helped my brain forget bad performance habits including self-doubt and fear

Another said,

I have seen a huge change in how I sing and how I feel about singing from working with [Lydia]

This is what creative voice users need – attention to the mind-body-voice connection.

Lydia’s soulful approach addresses the whole artist and so it’s not surprising to see a plethora of students who have reported increased feelings of confidence on the testimonial’s page of the Flockstars website.

She is currently in the process of publishing her research on the interaction between voicework and well-being.

Combining resilience training with creative training produces dynamic and energising results.

This is exactly what Lydia Flock is doing at Flockstars!

I wonder what would happen if more creatives incorporated resilience training into their work?

The Flock Flow could be the start of a creative revolution!

If you'd like to find out more about how Flockstars can serve you, please visit Flockstars or contact Lydia directly at lydia@flockstars.com.

Happiness: Truth or Myth? Part 3

In this final week of Happiness – Truth or Myth, we uncover the truth about finding happiness.

Here's a brief recap to remind you of the past two articles.

Please do go back and read them if you haven't yet: Happiness: Truth or Myth Part 1 & 2.

It can be said that we seek happiness in one of four ways.

1. Future Oriented – the future is your prime goal without appreciation of the present.

2. Present Oriented – the present is your only goal to avoid pain.

3. Past Oriented – your past failures determine your outlook on happiness.

4. Happiness Oriented – the possibility that it might even exist.

Let's unpick the final mindset that when positively implemented can result in happiness that ultimately serves you.

Happiness Oriented

Having determined that at some point on your life journey you might find yourself in a mindset that's either Future, Present or Past Oriented, what if there's a way to connect with both future and present beliefs resulting in a new way of thinking and being?

And unfocused on the distortions of the past?

Have you ever considered that the true reason the negative Past Oriented belief exists might only be because there’s an absence of connection between the Future and Present Oriented beliefs?

I mean, they seem to exist in isolation of each other don't they, with no synthesis at all?

It's like it has to be either future or present.

So, what if, rather than focusing on an ‘or’ curiosity, you focused on an ‘and' one instead?

Stay with me at the back... I’ve got you!

Have you ever been in a decision-making dilemma where you're weighing up an either/or to determine your outcome?

For example, “Should I take the job or go to university?”

“Should I invest my savings in a property or blow it on a much desired round the world experience?”

“Should I be happy now or in the future?”

Well, what if you tweaked the question and simply asked yourself, “How can I be happy now and in the future?”

Over the past couple of years, understanding and implementing this has been a game changer for me.

Realising and deciding that as much as I have the gift of choice, this is the one place I can explore having both without having to choose between them.

In fact, that's the choice. To have both.

I've learnt that it's not necessarily about having them both at the same time either.

Time is relative and even though we all have the same amount of time, I've realised that I can choose what time means to me and how I spend it.

So now, rather than wonder and feel anxious about whether the professional seeds I sow now will bear fruit in the future, I simply sow the seeds no matter what because I just love the act and art of sowing.

I’m living and taking action in this moment and investing in the future at the same time.

The same applies to my personal life too.

I'm learning to trust, as in nature that by tilling the soil (preparation), sowing the seeds (taking action) and watering/feeding my crop daily (nurturing and staying connected) I WILL bear fruit.

It's the law of nature and as I learn to respect it, it rewards me with an abundance of appreciation and gifts.

How magical but true!

And that's why I'm so keen to share this learning with you.

That life isn’t just about the past, present or future.

It's about what we CHOOSE to focus on with the knowledge and understanding of what that choice will bring.

So, how can you convert your ‘or’ mindset to an ‘and’ one?

What would the impact on your happiness be if you did?

Could that impact your future and those around you?

What might change?

I really reckon it could be mind blowing if you chose to take it on.

Happiness isn't always about smiling and feeling great because some days you just don't choose to.

Plus, you need the resistance and challenges in life to appreciate the slack.

As humans we are intrinsically designed to soar towards the highest goal of all: happiness.

Like dandelions covered over with concrete, we'll naturally want to veer towards the light.

Unfortunately, along the way we may encounter many distortions, untruths, misconceptions and warped interpretations of what happiness is that may cause us to find a different path.

Fortunately, it's not the only path and when you're ready you'll discover that happiness is about feeling positive emotions in the present moment (pleasure) and taking action with purpose for future benefit (meaning).

“Pleasure + Meaning = Happiness”

Whats yours?

Final Words & Action Plan

Your happiness can be lasting when you live in the moment on your way to the destination.

It's not an either/or.

But it’s definitely all about pleasure and meaning.

So, let's take a minute to discover how you can start to cultivate your happiness?

Perhaps journaling might help to reflect on your experiences of living in a Future (Rat Racer), Present (Hedonist) or Past (Nihilist) Oriented life.

What if you journaled and considered your learnings from each oriented belief, the prices you paid, the benefits, your deepest feelings and thoughts at the time or now?

What if you challenged why you were/are living that way?

And when you're journaling, what if you journaled only for you but shared with another if wanted?

Would that give you space to be brutally honest with yourself?

I invite you to explore it.

To support this cultivation, why not incorporate this short meditation practice that I've created for before or after journaling.

Cultivating Happiness Meditation

• Find a quiet and uninterrupted place to meditate.

• Sit or lie comfortably to allow for both physical and mental space.

• Either close your eyes or keep them open bringing awareness to your breath.

• Breathe in the word “Calm” and breathe out anything that's not serving you.

• Mentally scan your body and observe the areas of tension.

• Breathe in to create space saying “Calm" and exhale to let go and soften.

• Continue this for 5 – 20 minutes in stillness.

• Maintaining your breath awareness, bring to mind a positive experience where the emotion felt really good and brought you joy.

• For example, it might be time spent with loved ones, connecting with a pet or a time you thrived.

• Re-live this experience for between 30 seconds and 5 minutes, allowing the positive emotions to wash over you and grow.

• Be in your body, solely focusing on the sensations as it responds.

• When it feels right, invite a closing to your practice by offering yourself a Possibility Mantra like: “Today, I am the possibility of ......”

• For example, “Today, I am the possibility of ...... ....happiness/pleasure/joy/sharing/love/productivity/focus/commitment/fun/listening/self expression.”

• Choose as many as you wish or add your own.

• Complete the sentence with what has meaning to you in the moment.

• Finally close your meditation with a slow, long exhalation to internally cleanse and seal your practice.

• Before you leave, consider offering gratitude and love to yourself and others.

• Practice this meditation daily or as often as possible.

• Why not consider recording the meditation on your phone to enhance the experience?

  My wish for you is that you find your definition of happiness on your own terms, in your own way and in your own sweet time guided by love, joy, compassion and hope.

  Namaste. Xx