Happiness: Truth or Myth? Part 1

I love a movie, I do.

The type where the star is someone you can relate to and the storyline a journey you're excited to be on.

The first Terminator springs to mind, when the concept of machines rising up against man verged on ridiculous to the average Jo and a strong woman protagonist challenged the male-dominated film-making norms.

Why am I talking movies?

Well, because right now I'm on my second week of isolation in March 2020 and it's like living in a BBC commissioned 3-part series about an unseen predator that cares less about who you are and more about your propensity for hosting.

As COVID-19, flits from young to old, rich to poor, religious to atheist and all in between like an unwelcomed guest, it leaves in its trail unexpected devastation for some and a warped sense of reality for others.

And it's got me curious about how it's impacting you because I've been thinking more and more about the one thing that gets me up in the morning, fuels me throughout the day and soothes me to sleep last thing at night. ...

My happiness.

It's only recently that I've fully understood that everything I do, in any given moment is to ensure that I have pleasure and meaning in my life.

So that my sense of being enough has nourishing context to hold others.

Have you ever considered what happiness means to you?

According to Freud, you're fundamentally driven by the instinctual need for pleasure.

Viktor Frankl however, author of Man's Search for Meaning, a book about his experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps during World War ll, clearly believes that you’re motivated by a will to meaning rather than by a will to pleasure.

Is it an either/or though?

Could it ever possibly be both?

Drawing on the writings of Tal Ben-Shahar’s book Happier, I’d love to share my thoughts on how you can determine your happiness and the creative ways you might find yourself seeking or interpreting it.

Ways You Seek Happiness

I invite you to consider four ways of seeking happiness.

1. Future Oriented

The future is your prime goal without appreciation of the present.

2. Present Oriented

The present is your only goal to avoid pain.

3. Past Oriented

Your past failures determine your outlook on happiness.

4. Happiness Oriented

The possibility that it might even exist.

Future Oriented

In my very early professional years, I worked in both advertising and music production.

In both jobs, most of what I did daily was motivated by the dangling carrot of a promotion, a pay rise and a bejazzled job title.

I actually don't remember much of the amazing experiences I had, like being involved in glamourous client pitches or working closely with veteran international jazz artists.

Why don't I remember?

Because, if I'm honest I wasn't actually mentally there.

I was, in fact somewhere with my future self, eyes firmly on the promised prize.

In hind sight, I missed so much because of it.

I stopped enjoying the day to day routine of my work and started to live for the intermittent pleasurable moments where I celebrated successes with work colleagues or when my work was finally acknowledged.

If you'd asked me then whether I was happy, I'd probably have said yes because it was those memorable moments that made my life bearable throughout the time as I surged toward my next career recognition.

This is what I call a Future Oriented perspective on life.

It can unfortunately never bring about happiness.

Tal Ben-Shahar calls it the Rat Race Archetype.

It's where the focus is on the next goal… and the next rather than on the present experience.

It can apply to anything in life like being an artist who no longer loves their craft because it's now all about achieving the next big break.

Or a couple becoming detached from each other because their only focus is about having a baby.

Chasing....

I'm afraid chasing won't bring about happiness but the momentary relief from striving will definitely fool us into thinking it can.

And the heavier the burden carried throughout the chase, the greater and more powerful the happiness illusion.

In fact, this temporary ‘happiness’ is actually termed negative happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar because it stems from the relief of a negative emotion like anxiety, frustration, disappointment or anger.

This relief can only be temporary though as we inevitably revert back to the complacency of everyday living.

Has this been you in the past or is it you right now?

Confusing relief with happiness, chasing your goals and doing it all with an inability to enjoy the present moment because you believe that happiness lies ‘at the end of the rainbow’?

If this is you, join me next month when I'll breakdown the next two suggested ways we seek happiness: Present and Past Oriented mindsets.

I'll offer insights into how they can be disguised as happiness wrapped in unfulfilled living and we'll move closer towards understanding why these ways of thinking are non serving for us.