Why Bother With Compassion?
Self compassion is talked about a lot these days, especially following the lived experience of covid-19 and during the healing stages of getting ourselves back into everyday society.
Dr Kristen Neff, US psychologist, Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Expert invites us to think broader than the common definition of self compassion which can be seen as the ability to turn compassion inwards. She asks us to consider that it includes the three specific perspectives of self-kindness, common humanity (the recognition that everyone makes mistakes and feels pain) and mindfulness.
But with all of that said and before we can even implement our own self compassion, what does the practice of compassion itself actually look like?
I mean, why even bother with compassion?
What is compassion?
Compassion is seen as the recognition of suffering of others and the desire to find relief for them. The word derives from Latin and literally means, ‘to suffer together.’*
It’s about kindness to others regarding their imperfections without judgement or criticism and allows you to cope with life’s challenges more easily. Compassion is a motivator that propels you towards making changes with others to help relieve their suffering.
Research now shows that when we feel compassion, there are regions of the brain linked to empathy, caregiving, and feelings of pleasure that become much more active and light up. This proves that compassion is biologically linked to us and is not a touchy feely notion. The bonding hormone of oxytocin which is released when we feel compassion and the slowing down of our heart rate add to this understanding, determining that we are naturally wired to want to approach and care for others.
So, it seems that compassion is within our DNA and something we all want to do. This definitely begs the question of understanding about where compassion sits with those doing harm to one another… but perhaps that’s for another day. My exploration here is about why we even bother with compassion.
Let’s begin with the practice of compassion and some of its benefits.
The Benefits of Compassion
The impacts of compassion can range from feeling good to better relationships. Here are 4 for you to consider.
Improves Psychological Well-Being
Research shows that when you show compassion by giving money to others in need, it feels better than spending it on yourself.**
A Longer Life
By focusing on the needs of others through activities like volunteering or caring for others, you can extend your life years. Research found that those who volunteered out of concern for others lived longer than those who didn’t.***
Improved Health
Eudemonic happiness is the kind of happiness that comes from living a meaningful life that involves helping others. Research has found that a life driven by the purpose of helping others with kindness and compassion can improve your health by lowering levels of inflammation and depression plus building a stronger immunity.****
Better Relationships
Research has shown that compassion is a key predictor of successful relationships and cultivates your ability to reach out for social support. This is great for positive mental health.
Not only that, the research discovered that benefits were also shown when a partner didn’t even notice an act of kindness but greatest benefits came from partner recognition. This demonstrates that the sole act of compassion is powerful.*****
So we can see why compassion is worthy of our attention, right?
3 Reasons for Self Compassion
But why practice self compassion?
There are many reasons why self compassion can be of service to you and below are three for you to consider.
When you offer yourself compassion it is easier to do the same with others, resulting in treating people with decency and full compassion.
Duty of care - have you considered that you have a duty of care to yourself? Generally, the more influence you have over someone, the more responsibility you tend to have towards them. It is possible that the person you influence is you. I offer you the consideration that you owe yourself a duty of care, kindness, love and respect. If you’re not presently doing this, what might change as a result if you started? Could your inner dialogue shift? Could you show up differently?
Your mental and physical well-being can be developed by showing kindness to yourself. The result is positivity in mood and your relationships with others. You'll tend to be more patient, willing to co-operate and live with conscious caring.
The way you show up to and for others can not only impact yourself but can also greatly impact others. It’s easy to forget that who and how you are can determine how those around you respond to you. When you consistently show up stressed, worried and irritated the experience for others can be very different from being peaceful, contented and loving of both yourself and them.
Take some time to notice how you’re showing up for others and consider how what you discover could incorporate both compassion and self compassion for a more wholesome experience.
I’d love to hear how this blog has impacted you. Feel free to post a comment on this page.